“Congratulations, I’m so happy for you!”
This last words are all I’ve heard for the past month,
greetings from everybody that as realized that I’ve finally been a Father. How
about that?
Anyway, along with “he’s so beautiful” and “he has
your face” it’s been a “hat’s off” month… Nevertheless, I don’t understand why
people, the dearest people, say this shit!
First, every new-born kid is as ugly as hell – all
purple and wrinkled – as any new-born from any specie (even small felines are ugly
as demons before they’re licked by their mothers… After that, it’s true that
they stay beautiful for all eternity, but only two weeks later!) Second, how
the fuck can anybody realize in the first weeks, with who does the child looks alike?
Still, the worst is the constant compliments
surroundings. Don’t get me wrong, soon, with the first word or accomplishment
I’ll be proud and happy as a female teenager in a shoes store, but without
sleeping more than three hours straight in one month, the smell of putrefied
milk all around, the arms destroyer - all day holding - and all the shit coming
out of his ass, why would anyone find it reasonable to congratulate me?!? And
I’m congratulated by fuckers who already had kids!!!
Luckily I have, mostly, very intelligent friends and
relatives and they don’t show up frequently in this brain killing beginning as
well as been helping me with any existential questions on how to deal with a
brand new human being.
Sorry, I’m sorry for this roughest words, please find
it in your fucking heart to forgive me, I truly believe in the stunning art of losing
your common sense while being a parent!
And please, start replacing the “congratulations” for
“here’s 200 Euros for diapers”, “I’ll be happy to stay all night with him”,
“I’ll come and visit you when he’s one year old”, “He has the most delightful
ear-piercing crying” and “you have my deepest sympathy”!
And this is it, life has you knew it, is wonderfully
over! As the colic relief drops medicine reminds us: “…been specially
formulated to relieve wind…” that wind of change that makes everything else
disappear!
Zeca
